“This sport is based on Minoan Bull Jumping.”

Anyone who has ever had a meal with Cara knows that she is addicted to salt. Very addicted to salt.

But what you might not know is that she gave me a set of salt shakers for my birthday this year – so that I could be sure to have them on hand when she comes over.

To be fair, she gave me some other gifts, too.

Photo by Ingorr

Go buy the book if you like Jack Handey. According to Cara, it’s worth a read. Here’s the link to Amazon.com if you’re interested…

Apparently Cara thinks that he is hilarious, and she wanted a funny book to read.

So she has been telling me all week that she loves this book that she is so happy when she is reading it, and today she sent me an excerpt that I am going to share with you.

It is probably important to note before you read this that Cara is not the best driver. I mean, she is OK, but she kind of gets distracted on the road. She has been known to call me from various locations saying “Where am I?!?” and hoping that I will guide her home. As part of her driving folly, she has been in 4 accidents with bike riders. These were not all her fault, but who gets in 4 accidents with bikes? They were:

1. When she was 16, she was taking a right-hand turn and thought she would beat the bike rider who was next to her around the corner – she didn’t and instead hit him. (He was OK)
2. In college, she was turning onto a one-way street and checked for traffic the one way, but didn’t look the other way, so missed seeing the bike rider coming down the street the wrong way. She saw him after he flew across her windshield. (He was also also OK, just embarrassed because it happened in front of the sorority house)
3. About 10 years ago, she was driving with a friend Lisa Corry when a lady riding a bike was weaving in front of them in the road and fell down. They rushed to assist her and found out that she was “Drunk driving the bike.” (She biked away from the scene)
4. Most recently, she parked the car in front of her apartment and another friend Jodi opened up the car door to get out – right into a biker who was coming down the street (who flipped over, but was OK)

Believe it or not, that was all essential information for enjoying the Jack Handey quote that comes next.

Here it is….I KNOW that Cara liked this more than I did….

I have a confession to make. About a year ago, I was driving along a country road when I hit a hitchhiker. That it was an accident in no way excuses the pain and suffering I caused.

About a month later, I hit another hitchhiker. A hitchhiker can leave a pretty good dent in your car, so I took it into the shop to get both dents removed.  While it was there, I decided to get around by hitchhiking.

Since hitting that last hitchhiker, I have accidentally hit twenty-eight other hitchhikers. I don’t know what’s going on. Everyone hits at least a few hitchhikers every year, whether you realize it or not. (Have you ever been driving and hit a strange bump and wondered, What was that? That was a hitchhiker.) But, to me, twenty-eight seems like way to many.

I decided to get to the bottom of it. Maybe I was just going through a hitchhiker “phase.” Or maybe it was something more serious.

Has drinking been involved? Unfortunately, yes. Not prior to the accidents, but afterwards. If you have ever seen the terrifying face of a hitchhiker pressed againsts your windshield, or heard his angry words as you sped away, then you, too, would need to go home and have a stiff drink.

Some people say, Why don’t you quit driving altogether? It’s funny, but after each hitchhiker you hit, you think, That’s got to be the last one. Then, of course, it isn’t. So what can be done? I believe that, working together, hitchhikers and I can cut down on the number of them I am hitting.

I am trying to do my part. For one thing, when I drive at night, I always make sure my lights are on. Also, I have installed a loud warning siren on my car, which I blast when I’m close to a hitchhiker. I have a lot of other ideas, which I write down on my notepad when I am driving.

Cara drinks a Big Gulp from the 7-11 just about every day. And she has a special way that she takes it – filled to the top with ice, mostly Diet Coke with a splash of Dr. Pepper and sometimes a splash of regular Coke. She drinks it all throughout the day, sometimes she even puts it in the fridge mid-day and pulls it out later.

The worst, though, is when we go through the drive-through at McDonald’s and I’m driving (which is usually the case). This is how the order goes: “I’d like a large soda, half diet coke, half regular coke, and FILLED to the top with ice.”

Just in case you ever want to buy Cara a drink, now you know how to make it… �

These are the shoes pictured here.